Just a random thought I was having...which isn't really that random at all!

I have been spending most of my days lounging around the house trying to find the energy in me to continue working on my house...but most days that energy is all but lost and I spend the day playing with Calvin or (if he is sleeping) sleeping myself, or surfing the internet. Today though, I have spent the evening pondering my life and the amazing blessings God has given us. Now, I am aware that some of my blog readers don't believe in God, or don't understand how deeply connected I am with Him, but I know it is Him who has given us such an abundance of blessings the last three months.

We finished Calvin's room tonight, and as I was rocking him a few moments ago, I was staring at the pictures of Cassandra that we have hung on his wall and tears began to form in my eyes. It has been about ten weeks since we were blessed beyond measure with our son Calvin. I want, with all me heart, to keep her close to our family (and I know we will). I tried to picture being in the delivery room with her as she realized what was happening....I would have been so scared not knowing what exactly was going on with my body. Then, sitting with her the night she went to the internet and found us. I know that it was divine intervention that began our adoption journey, and I know that she was guided to find us. As I reflected on the day we received that life changing phone call, I can remember the tears, the feelings, the comfort I was able to get from my co-workers as they were there to witness a miracle happening right in front of their eyes. At the end of that day, I had blisters on my feet from pacing the floors on the phone with my caseworker and husband. Then I recall the fear of the unknown...."A baby boy, born July 24." Was I really going to be a mother? While sitting there rocking, I just couldn't believe that I was really sitting in my son's bedroom and was really living in the moment of bliss.

A lot of people ask me if I remember what it was like without a baby...sometimes, I don't remember. I am so caught up in the moment that it seems like the only life I have ever had was one with my son. But, at other times, I do think of my life before...the friends I worked with, the desire I had to recruit and market education to everyone who would listen. I miss my coworkers...their personalities, crude jokes (at times), ROFLMAO, all the things that use to make me laugh. Leaving them, was harder than I had thought it would be. But, I wouldn't change the world if I could! I love being a stay at home mom. Sure it comes with it hardships, but what job doesn't? It is my dream job! I couldn't ask for anything more!

When I think of the miracle of adoption, I think of the wonderful gift of the Atonement as well. A sacrifice beyond measure given by Cassandra to us, has been the greatest blessing we have ever received. Thankfully we were prepared when the call came, and were, still are and will forever be grateful for the tender mercy of the Lord for giving us a chance to be a part of this.

I am ready to go through the adoption process again to continue to multiply our family, unfortunately, it isn't that easy...but when the time is right, we will hope to bring a brother or sister into Calvin's life. We have to wait a year from placement to file with LDS Family Services again, and we have to save the money. :) So hopefully on August 5th, 2009 we will be starting the process over again. Only time will tell, but I am SO BABY HUNGRY that I wish I could be pregnant right now!