My Mind Feels Like it is Going a Mile a Minute...

Today, you get me expressing my thoughts so that 1)i can have this to look back on in a few weeks/months/years and 2)so you can feel like you know what is going on in my life, beside having the cutest baby in the world. Brace yourself, because I don't really know how long this is going to be, and I am honestly just planning on typing everything that is on my mind...the good and the bad.

Last week I had a strong impression that it is time to start looking at fertility options again. Last year, before we were really getting into the adoption thing, I was given the name of a doctor that is a top rated fertility specialist in Utah by my grandfather. He knows this doctor personally, and has seen how great he is and the results he has had. At the time, we lived in Oregon and getting to Utah for fertility treatments wasn't really part of the cards...there were many who were offering to help pay for plane tickets and what not, but honestly, it was next to impossible to even consider. We moved forward with adoption and up until this time, I have been content with the choices that my life has given me. There have been times when I am staring into Baby-C's eyes, that i just break down because i love him so much and because I still wish I could experience pregnancy and the miracle of creation. Last week, as I let my mind float into random thoughts (during church actually..more specifically during the sacrament and talks following), I found myself in a place where I knew what my next step needed to be...I spoke to Joel about it that night, and I am bracing myself for whatever may come. To say that I am scared, would probably be an understatement because in the past, everything I have done to try to tackle this issue has caused me extreme emotional hardships, among other things. This new decision in our life will give us direction...it will either work or it wont. My plan is that if my body struggles, the doctor confirms that I am broken, or the only possible way to even try to get preggers in invetro, then, no questions asked, I will do what I need to do to get my uterus out! The pain and the effects on my body are not worth living through if there isn't an end result that will give me the chance to grow a baby inside my body. I know that the miracle of adoption happens, and I know that it will give us the opportunity to be parents, so I am not concerned.

We are still going through with fostering, and will use this method (for now) as a chance to hopefully adopt again. We are ready for this commitment, and there is so much good that will come of it once we jump into it. Next week will are having a home visit, we have to get fingerprinted, and get CPR/FirstAid certified, then we are IN. I suspect that as soon as we get the go ahead, within days we will have our first placement. There are so many senarios that will come up, but thanks to the classes and the support from friends, we are ready to handle them as they come. Even if being "foster parents" doesn't end up working, I can still do daycare for foster families, do temporary care for foster children, and be an advocate for fostering. No matter what, we will always be involved from this point on.

Lately, my biggest mind trail has been work. I hate to work...i hate being away from Baby-C, even if it is only 3 hours, I hate feeling like I am causing others to postpone their daily lives to help watch him, and I want to have a normal schedule in my day where i can go for long walks/runs and not have to worry about being somewhere at a specific time. With that being said, I know things could be worse, and I am lucky enough to have Jody, my sister-in-law, as Baby-C's main sitter. Unfortunately, I kind of need to work, so that we aren't living in fear of the overdraw and to help a little where I can. I have been offered a position working with the after school program next year as the Head Instructor over an elementary. Right now I just show up when I am needed and just go with the flow, but if I were to take this position I would create the program, from the moment the children come to when they go home. It is very exciting to me, because I know I can make a huge difference in the lives of these kids, and I can help create order and activity that is encouraging growth. Only problem is that I would have to commit to at least 3 days a week working, possibly more...which would mean that Baby-C would have to have a stable place to go, so that he could be watched as well. I am not too concerned about this, because I do feel that it is good for him to be away from mommy and learn how to socialize with others, but again, it is that burden thing that worries me. How much is the going rate for 2.5 hours of childcare now a days anyway? By working often, I will still be bringing in enough money to help, and I work the school calendar, so I have holidays off, ect. I am leaning more towards taking this position, but at the same time, I feel hesitant. UGH! I can still do this work while doing foster care...so if we had a baby, i would just arrange to have he/she watched as well, probably at a foster parent's house though. (Confused? it is okay, i understand how it would work out. ) Did I mention that by taking this job I would get a raise too...not by much but I think it would be a dollar or more....which is nice.

Other than all that, I am still finding it hard to stay on top of all my household duties. (shame on me!) But, I think I am getting better. LOL

Oh, one other thing...I am working on a business idea to open up a baby consignment/donation center around here. There are a ton of kids around, and really no where to get used goods...I think it would be a success, I just have to spend more time creating the idea and working towards a business plan, ect. Fun times, huh?.......................................

Adoption...Chaning Lives from Beginning to End

It is official....I have set up a blog site for the adoption group and it is ready for your viewing and help. It is a slow work in process, but hopefully soon it will be a booming Blogsite!

Enjoy, give feedback, and become a follower!

http://becauseadoptionmatters.blogspot.com/

Adoption...Changing Lives from Beginning to End

Hey everyone! I just wanted to let you know that I have decided, thanks to the votes and ideas from others, to name my new adoption site "Adoption..changing lives from beginning to end." I have started a group with this name on FACEBOOK, so please join it and let's work together to get a beginning to this new adventure at gaining different viewpoints from all those involved in adoption. I have a blog and am currently working on getting it ready to debut. Hopefully that will be up by the end of the month. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE start spreading the news about this and let's try to get as many people participating as we can. Everyone has a different story and experience when it comes to adoption, and I am very excited to learn more about the views of others.

Join the facebook group, post your opinions and experiences, and hopefully soon I will announce the blog where we can try to promote each other there!

Love you all! God Bless!